My five-year-old is NOT a pervert (is he?)

For a long while Brodie has had a growing obsession… with boobs.

If you saw his well-endowed Mum, you’d perhaps forgive him.

Yes, my cup runneth over.

It was a constant source of irritation to me when I was younger and had to deal with the unwanted attentions of leery men.

(The ones that looked like George Clooney, I didn’t mind so much).

But now I’m dealing with the leering of my primary school boy – and it ain’t easy laughing it off.

It started with him hanging around my bedroom while I was getting changed.

In his defence, he generally follows me around – because he loves me, not because he’s trying to cop an eyeful.

So I’d be changing my clothes or taking a shower, etc. And he saw me in all my glory.

“What are those Mummy?”

“Boobs.”

Much sniggering ensued. Well, when you think about it, the word is a bit funny.

Perhaps I should have gone for ‘chest’. Less comedy value.

Then he began running at me, hands out Benny-Hill-style, like he was going to grab me in a “honk honk” fashion.

It’s funny the first few times – but then you start to worry your kid is going to continue this behaviour outside the family home.

So through the giggles and the wrestling him off me, I explained it was OK to mess around like this with his Mum – but not to try it with anyone else.

A few weeks passed with no pervy incidents. Phew.

We were at a soft play with some friends, and a fellow mum bought the juice for all of the kids.

“Brodie, say thanks to Auntie Emma for your juice – and give her a big kiss and a cuddle,” I teased, knowing my eldest’s aversion to giving or receiving kisses.

But instead of recoiling in mock horror, he ogled my friend in a Sid James stylee.

“Auntie Emma, I want to kiss your boobs.”

*Slaps forehead with palm of hand*

My best hope is that Keith Lemon will make perviness an endearing quality….